Toddling About

Well, we have a standing child!  For the past month, Waylon has been pulling himself up on anything and everything.  In the past week, he has gotten brave enough to walk while holding on to the couches, cabinets, the wall, etc.

With this new activity comes the millions of possibilities for injury.  He's bumped his head I don't know how many times, closed his fingers in cabinet doors, face planted... It's enough to make a mama go crazy.  I follow him around pretty closely, trying to catch him when he falls, but I also want him to learn and be independent.  It is a hard roll for me.  Hearing him cry in pain and fear rips me in two, but I know he has to fall a few (million) times before he will walk.  And we are on the threshold of that accomplishment right now!!

I am so proud of my son.

It's amazing to me how often I can see more of God's perspective after having Waylon.  God has to let us go to make our own decisions, let us stumble and bumble about, falling down and getting hurt, because it is the only way we will get stronger and eventually learn to walk.  Every time we fall down and fail and cry, God hurts for us.  He picks us up, holds us close, heals the pain, then sends us on our way, always one step behind us.

I hope God is proud of me.  Even when I stumble and fall and fail him, I hope he sees the progress I am making, the faith I'm building.  One day, I'll be able to walk steadily in faith and love.

God's Blessings on Me - Always Getting Closer

I have written the basics of this story down at the beginning of this blog, but for some reason it has been on my heart a lot lately.  I keep getting the feeling that I need to explain more about our journey through infertility, conceiving Waylon, and God's promises staring you in the face.

Every woman in my family has given birth to their first child at age 27.  My mom, my aunt, my grandma.  So, as I turned 26, I couldn't help but to feel that my time was soon, and Patrick and I would be parents.  We had started that goofy, smiling at each other any time someone walked by with a baby or if we saw a pregnant woman.  We'd poke each other and laugh and hug each other close, happy thoughts filling up our minds and hearts and souls.

We started trying in September of 2011.  Patrick and I have always loved God, but at this point in our life, we definitely weren't as close as we were supposed to be.  We prayed, separately, to have a baby.  And we tried.  In December of 2011, after we had returned from an anniversary trip to Philadelphia, I got my period, yet again.  I only received mine every two months, though.  The more research I did, the less I believed in God's plan, the more I worried and saw that women on that type of cycle most likely were not ovulating at all.

Being me, and wanting to control all situations, I booked a fertility appointment for both Patrick and myself.  Patrick supported me completely.  He always does.  Even though he had his doubts about our need for a doctor.

In March of 2012, after a few tests, the doctor sat us down and gave me news that still tears straight into my heart.  I was unable to carry a baby, and Patrick's sperm had low motility.  My estrogen was too low, and my testosterone was too high.  We asked if that could even itself out, and the doctor said that was highly unlikely.  He also said that if I were to get pregnant on my own, I would need to start hormone therapy immediately or the baby would die.

His suggestion was IVF.  That was it.  Our only shot.  Patrick and I had decided against this already.  In our minds, if God wanted us to have our own baby, we would.  And if He didn't, then we would adopt.  When we declined IVF, saying we were going to look into adoption, the doctor basically ruined his credibility for me.  Why would we want to adopt?  You never know what kind of mess you would receive, what sort of damaged child.  And if IVF fails, we get most of our money back.  Our mouths were on the floor, and we walked out of his office, never looking back.  Adoption is a beautiful thing, and we still plan on adopting in the future.  Somewhere out there, we have a child waiting on us.  And I can't wait until we bring him or her home.

Back to this story.  We were done.  More accurately, I was done.  I cried the entire way home from Dr. V's office.  And Patrick let me.  There was nothing for him to say.  I just needed to mourn.  I'll never forget that pain, and I hurt for any woman who is given similar news that she will never feel her baby flip inside her.  It is honestly devastating.  I cried for the babies I couldn't give my husband.  I cried over not seeing their little smiles.  And I cried because I would not follow in the footsteps of my mom, aunt, and grandmother.  A petty thing, but I would not be 27 at the birth of my first child.

It took about a week for me to pull myself back together.  Patrick and I decided we would start raising money and look into adopting in mid-2013.  I put my heart and soul into that idea, my prayers to God changed.  I still asked if He would someday give us a baby of our own, but I thanked Him for allowing adoption to be an option.  I would still be a mother.

At the beginning of April, I started seeing a homeopathic hormone specialist.  Basically, she gave me vitamins and herbs to balance out my hormones, and I would see her once a month.  The day before my second appointment, she gave me a call.  I had to take a pregnancy test because she planned on doing a certain type of therapy the next day.  And it wasn't approved for pregnant women.  I almost laughed at her, but I told her I would take the test and bring in my negative result.

I waited until the morning of May 2nd.  I wanted as long a gap as possible before peeing on that stick and letting my heart fall once again.  From September of 2011 until March of 2012, I bought and used around 20 of those tests.

But this time... a plus sign!  Time literally stopped.  And I started praying.  In earnest.  I wanted this baby.  Baby... I was pregnant!  My mind went round and round, hardly even making sense.  I was thanking God for this opportunity, and begging Him not to take it away at the same time.

I carried Waylon to term, in an unbelievable healthy pregnancy.  I never needed hormone therapy from Dr. V to keep him alive inside me.  I stopped taking the vitamins from my homeopathic specialist on May 2nd as well.  God kept Waylon alive inside of me.  In a labor that lasted less than 9 hours, Waylon came into this world.

THE DAY BEFORE MY 28TH BIRTHDAY.

Just let that sink in for a moment.  Even right now, I'm crying over the beauty of God's plans.  When Waylon was born, I was still 27.  He was born the 9th.  My birthday is the 10th.  Something so unbelievably petty, God used that to show me that He is always listening to our prayers.

I welcome any questions about our conception, the pregnancy, his birth... our faith... anything and everything.  There is a reason He wanted me to write this down, even if it's just for my own benefit.

It is amazing to me how closer we have gotten to God after Waylon's birth, and in getting closer to Him, how much closer Patrick and I have become.  And there is only room to get closer.

Have you ever heard of Zeno's Paradox?  Zeno stated that you can never reach a destination, because to get there you have to cross half the distance. And once you are there, there is another half distance to cross... and so on for eternity.  It's like that with God.  Even if you think you are the closest you can get, there is still room to get closer.

Always getting closer.

Getting Cramped

For three months now, we have been living in the finished attic of Patrick's parents.  Patrick, me, Waylon, three dogs, and two cats in two rooms and a bathroom.  Needless to say, we are becoming a bit cramped...

There is no way to completely thank Tony and Sue for letting us move in while we are between homes.  Our LaVergne house sold within a week of being listed, which was such a blessing, but we had not found our permanent home yet.

The congregation at our church in Cripple Creek have been laboriously looking for our next home along with us, and one day that mentioned a house going up for auction in October.  We drove by it that day, and it was almost as if God spoke to us, "Here it is.  This will be your home."

A little white house on 5 acres in the country.  Close to Patrick's work and close to our friends... it is completely perfect.  The fact that it is an auction makes us nervous, but somehow, God will provide for us.

We ask that you, whether we know you or not, please help us pray for this property.  We are so ready to have our own home again, and the auction is less than two weeks away now.  Please pray this house comes into our possession, and at a price we can afford.

Live Intentionally

Living intentionally.  That has honestly become the new mantra of our household.  Every day is a gift from God, our Savior.  Why waste it?  It is also one of the resolves of New Frontiers, the Christian Adventure Camp my husband and I work at.  And since Waylon is attached at my hip... you could say he works there too.  Almost a mascot of cuteness for the counselors.

Live Intentionally.  Think Metaphorically.  Seek eTruth.

That last one always gets me.  Emergent truth.  Truth that emerges from the metaphors we encounter.  It's the truth we glean from a message or experience that can seem unrelated at the time, but makes us realize a deeper meaning for which we have been searching.  

Just recently, the three of us took a trip to Chattanooga, Tennessee.  We wanted Waylon to go to the zoo and the incline... and we wanted to try the new Taco Bell Breakfast menu...  We're pretty dedicated the way. (In case you're wondering - It was awesome!!)

While we were packing back into the car from Taco Bell, a man with his two sons came walking out behind us.  A New Frontiers bumper sticker is on our car.  All it says is "Live Intentionally."

"I like your bumper sticker.  That is a good life motto."

"Oh have you heard of New Frontiers in Dowelltown, Tennessee?"  And we shared with him our purpose.  Little things like that make me see God's hands.  I believe we were put there that day to show this man a summer camp for his boys.  A camp that will strengthen not only those boys' self esteem, but their eagerness to find truth and understanding for themselves in this world.  A camp that will encourage them to see and accept God's love around them.

NF not only has summer camps, but they also do corporate retreats and church group courses.  Ziplines, giant swings, high ropes, flying squirrels, pamper poles... so much to do!

My favorite part of the camp isn't actually the camp at all.  And it's the sector I have chosen to devote my time to.  It is called ARISE, a children's home and academy.  The camp has two boys home on campus, where up to 16 boys in the system can have a home.  I have felt the need to become a foster parent at some point in the future, and working for these boys, even in small ways like buying groceries, gives me a blessing.

Especially when you drive up with a full car of bags and one boy yells to the others, "It's the angel that brings us food!"

Live Intentionally.  I don't know why we ever lived any other way.

Dad's in the Game!

Although I am a new Dad, I have always been impressed by dads who spend time and give attention to their children.

More and more, you are seeing dads that are making an effort to spend time with their kids and I think it is awesome. My dad spent a ton of time with me when we had time together, and I knew that I would do everything in my power to be the same way. My wife's father was the same way and it helps me. When I shy away from spending time because of life junk getting in the way, she is not afraid to get in my face and tell me so.

It takes effort on the dads part. It can be a lot of effort, setting aside things that need to be done, mowing the yard, leftover work stuff, car maintenance, etc. But it's definitely worth it. The looks, laughs and love that you get are priceless. Life is too short to let those things get in your way of spending time with your family. Go get in the game Dad.

Check out some of the hashtags on instagram and facebook #dadisinthegame #dadsinthegame

5 Months, First Teeth and Summer Sun

Waylon turned 5 months old 4 days ago. It only feels like it has been a few weeks since he was born. He cut his first tooth a few days ago, and that has been a struggle for mom and me both.

Baby Einstein videos have been a life saver the past month. They soothe him as much as his momma does.

Momma is still nursing. We are excited to begin some food next month. We decided to wait until he is 6 months old before we start any foods. We are going to begin with rice cereal first and then move onto some root veggies.

We invested in an exersaucer. Initially he wasn't much of a fan since he couldn't reach the floor and couldn't reach most of the toys. Now it is one of his favorite places in the house. He also has become a fan of the high chair while mom and I cook in the kitchen.

The struggle comes with the mental life change. I was speaking with a friend that recently also had his first child. The time in the day gets shorter and the priority shift is absolutely crazy. Most days I don't even have any interest in doing anything but getting home to my wife and son and spend some quality time with them. Then the weekends I we are free our time is spent mainly on catching up on chores.

Soon we will be moving to a temporary residence. We are praying that we can sell our house quickly and easily and that we find a new house and it will be affordable and available when we need it to be.

Motorcycles Already

At three months, Waylon has had his first experience with a motorcycle.  Patrick pulled out the 66 Triumph Thunderbird (which he has started riding to work again) and started it up with Waylon outside.  I wish we had gotten a video of the first time.  He was sucking on his thumb (hand) like he is in this picture, and when the engine turned over, his arms flew out and his eyes went wide.  But that was it.  The second time Patrick started the bike, Waylon just sat there as if to say,"Oh, that's the noise this thing is supposed to make."

I think we have a future bike rider in the works, folks.  Watch out.  

Waylon's 3 Month Birthday

I think it's funny that I got around to writing out our birth story... on the day that Waylon turned three months old.  It is so insane to me that he is growing this quickly.  Just comparing his pictures to the ones of him at one month... so much has changed in his face and his voicings.  I love my son so dearly.

And it was love of our son that has led Patrick and I to completely change our lifestyles.  Barely one month after Waylon's birth, Patrick had quit his job in the corporate world and started working at the Christian camp he was a part of from age 12 to 22.  We began going to church again.  We have revamped our budget to fit with our new income level, and we are relying on God to keep us going forward.  And to provide for us some things that we need.

Such as a house.  We have been actively looking for a new place to leave, closer to the camp, since mid February.  But there must be a reason we haven't found a place yet.  It feels like God is saying, "Just wait.  Something great is coming."

So we continue to pray and wait.  Because something great is coming.  When Patrick first came to me and said, "I think we need to start working at New Frontiers," I had never been there, and I had only just met the directors, the Nellists, a few days prior.  But what's funny, is that had been laid on my heart too.  Just this still, small voice saying maybe we should look at the camp.  After meeting the Nellists and reading about the camp's mission and its message, I knew that's where we needed to be.  And Patrick feeling it too just made it all the more real.

Here we go.  Jumping off into the blue.  Hoping God will bless us and knowing that our faith in Him is what will catch us and lead us in the right direction.

Birth Story

So I guess having a baby really does take up most of your time! These past three months have flown by, and I can't believe how much Waylon is growing and changing.  I also can't believe I still haven't written out his birth story!

So here it is folks! All the amniotic fluid-y details:

On Tuesday morning, January 8th, I woke up and thought,"You know what? I'm going to lay in bed and read all day today. I'm over 9 months preggers; I have that right!"

And so I did. I laid in bed and read The Casual Vacancy by J. K. Rowling (love her), drank copious amounts of water, and slept whenever the mood hit me.  My husband had been leaving work early for the past week, just in case it was "baby go time," and he arrived home around 2 PM.

"Have you gotten up at all?"

"Nope, just laying here in my jammies."  He smiled, kissed my head, and retired to our home office to get some work done.

I had been feeling Braxton Hicks for the past three months, so I thought that was what I was experiencing around 5 PM, and I got up to go to the bathroom.  My husband was still in the office down the hall, and I almost called him to the bathroom, because something felt different.  At this point, we were only four days past our guess date, and I was expecting to wait a little longer. But I thought, why not, we'll time these pressure waves and see what happens.

I can't remember now the time they were apart, but they were pretty regular.  But at 6 PM a strong one hit, with more pressure than the others, and I called Patrick into the bedroom.

"I am pretty sure we are in birthing time."  We called Mary Anne (my midwife, the best midwife EVER) around 7 PM, because my pressure waves were six minutes apart, lasting 45 seconds to 1 minute each time.  She said to get ready for bed, the waves might start getting further apart, letting me sleep, until the next day, when they would pick up again.  Which kind of bummed me out.  I was ready to meet my baby (and figure out if little Baby Cakes was a girl or boy!).

Right after we called Mary Anne, our doorbell rang.  We had visited a new church the previous Sunday, and the pastor thought it was a good time for a visit!  Patrick went outside to chat with him while I sat and rocked my hips on my birth ball.  They spoke for two pressure waves.  When Patrick came back in, I asked, "Did you tell him your wife was having a baby?"

"No... I wasn't sure if you actually were."  Which made me laugh pretty hard, until the next pressure wave came.  The next time I went to the bathroom, my mucus plug came free, but with no streaks of pink or red.  In fact, I had no bloody show at all until my baby was born.

Around 11 PM that night, it felt like my pressure waves weren't stopping.  Almost as if they were continuous.  I had Patrick call Mary Anne again, because I had been expecting to go to sleep for awhile, and obviously that was not happening.

Our phone call was not really informative to Mary Anne, because I couldn't tell when the pressure waves were starting and stopping.  My legs had also began to shake pretty hard (did not realize that was important at the time).  So she decided to come over and check me out to make sure everything was alright.

I tried to lay down again, but each wave hit, and breathing and relaxing through it with a bit of panic (I was convinced something was wrong), was becoming very hard.  Mary Anne arrived, and instant calm went through me and our house.  That's just how she is.  She has this aura of "I know what I'm doing and everything is going to be alright" about her.

She checked me in our guest room as soon as she arrived, around 11:30 PM.  I was at 9 cm and the baby was at +2 station.  And my legs shaking, she said meant the baby's head was in my pelvis.  At this point, she told my Patrick we needed to get the pool filled immediately, and she called her assistant, Lindsey, to come on over.

I was almost laughing at this point, and time started to really fly for me.  I laid on our guest room bed until they told me I could sit in the pool if I wanted, breathing through all my pressure waves.  Excited, anxious, happy... I had so many emotions running through my mind!

In the birthing pool (set up in our baby's nursery), I immediately felt the pressure in my pelvis relax somewhat.  The warm water was amazing.  Our hot water heater gave out, so they had coffee pots and pots boiling water on the stove to fill it up.  Another laughable moment.  Lindsey was taking my vitals and checking the baby, while Mary Anne set up emergency only things and after birth supplies.  I felt so at ease with them there, and knew everything was going to be ok.

There were a few moments in the pool when I felt too hot, and they brought me a cold wash cloth.  They also were reminding me to drink the water and gator aid they brought to me.  I began to feel nauseous around the first time I felt the need to push, and asked for a bucket.  But pushing took away the urge to be sick.  I fought the need to push at first, because honestly, it felt like I was going to poop.  As soon as I told them that, they laughed at me, said, "It happens," and showed me the net that solves that problem.

So I pushed in earnest.  I got on my knees, legs spread, held onto the handles of the pool, and really pushed.  Soon, Lindsey told me I could feel the head, but I was so focused on pushing the baby out, I didn't even want to stop to feel.  My husband, at this time, had become what I was holding on to, concentrating on, to bring our baby into the world.  Lindsey said, "We have a head out!"  and with the next push, the baby was here, at 2:54 AM on January 9th!

I felt as if only an hour had passed since Mary Anne had arrived.  Hypnobabies had me trained for that.  One of the mantras is that every twenty minutes will only feel like five minutes to you.  And it did.  Trust me.

I hadn't bothered to check what gender our little one was, I was too busy professing my love to him or her.  Patrick was the one who yelled out, "It's a little boy!"  I will never forget the way he said that sentence as along as I live. That moment was the absolute best moment of my life, and we were both fairly tearful.

The rest of the night passed so quickly, the placenta came, I had to be catheterized, but no stitch-requiring tears, I had a shower, and little Waylon Nash got the hang of nursing right away.  I couldn't believe we were a family.  Mary Anne and Lindsey were amazing, and if we have any more babies, I want Tender Beginnings to be there again.

As for Hypnobabies, I am so glad I went through that course.  Not only did the time pass quickly, but all I felt was intense pressure in my pelvis region and lower back.  Also, since you have to visualize your birth over and over again, mine went EXACTLY like I had envisioned.  It was a beautiful and wonderful experience that I would not trade for anything, and that I would do again in a heartbeat.

So that, in a nutshell, was Waylon Nash's day of birth.

01-09-2013 Baby Waylon Nash was Born

I will let Amanda tell the whole story if she feels the need to. But I thought I would let everyone know that Waylon Nash was born at home on the morning of 01-09-2013 at 2:54am. He was born naturally and entered the world by water birth with no complications for him or mommy.

Here are a few pictures. More to come.

Also, I worked with our midwife to develop a newborn feeding chart that many of you may find more useful than what is out there now. Let us know if you are unable to access these and I can try and email them to you. (https://www.dropbox.com/sh/xxdg60yhv5bdacc/SXQoK8Ikly)

January 4th and we're not out of the woods yet!

Today, January 4th, is our "guess date" (due date) for babycake's arrival. No signs yet, but we are waiting ... albeit impatiently. We are both ecstatic beyond words, ready and waiting. Praying daily.

I have been looking forward to this day for nearly 9 months now. And though it seems real, it also feels like an incredible dream. Any day now, I will become a father. In a single moment, I will go from little responsibility, to being responsible for another human being. I haven't had to put a lot of work in, but I know my time is coming. Amanda has done an incredible job so far. And it's all still on Amanda and I pray for her every hour. I know she has the strength and will and I am so proud of her for that. I am proud of her for many things, but this will be her single greatest accomplishment. In the grand scheme of things, any day now WILL become the single most important day in our lives.

Please keep Amanda and the baby in your prayers.

And thank you all for the support so far!