Using Baby Sign Language

This is the American Sign Language sign for "more."  This is also the first sign Waylon started doing around eight or nine months.  Watching the realization on his face as we gave him another bite of food quickly after he made this hand motion was just magical.  Since then, his grasp on other signs, their meanings, and his dexterity have grown exponentially.

We decided to teach our baby sign language while he was still gestating.  Everything I was reading pointed to the fact that babies became aware of their environments cognitively long before their vocal cords can catch up.  Other caregivers had success with less temper tantrums after using sign language because a nonverbal child was still able to communicate their needs without much frustration.

We have found this to be true with Waylon as well.  When he starts to get fussy, we will ask with words and signs to see if he is hungry, or sleepy, or needing a diaper change.  He also can tell us there is a baby in mommy's tummy and that he sees a ball.

We definitely plan to continue this learning with New Baby Johnson due in July, and most likely continue with our mode of teaching.  Basically, we used the signs and said the words while we were doing the action.  So if we were changing a diaper, we did that sign while we said "diaper change" at each dirty or wet nappy.  Same thing with milk, more, eat, ball, baby, water, all done, bath, stop, no, yes, mommy, daddy, etc. Those were our main signs.  We're branching out now that Waylon is older with more nouns and verbs - things like dog, cat, cow, potty, music, fish, stand, sit, help, friend, story, blanket, play, please, thank you, etc.

Here are some links to the sites we utilized in figuring out signs.

Baby Sign Language Dictionary 

21 Words and Signs to Know

Handspeak

There are many more resources out there.  Just do a quick search on "sign language" and you'll see a million options.  Good luck!

Sleeping Like Daddy...

For the most part, Waylon sleeps on his own, in his own crib.  But usually to put him to sleep, he snuggles between Patrick and myself.  Treasured moments.

The other night, not only Waylon drifted off, but Patrick did as well.  In their resting faces, I was amazed by what I saw.  The arch of their eyebrows, the line of their lips, the shape of their chins... all identical.  And their right arms, both thrown onto their heads, hands limp.

I birthed a clone.  A beautiful, smiling, ever joyful clone.

When we first found out we were expecting our little man, Patrick said to me,"This baby is going to look just like me."  I laughed, and he laughed, but he insisted his genes were stronger than my own.  I didn't put too much stock in his words.  I mean honestly, there was a 50/50 chance, right?

Wrong.  Now don't get me wrong.  There are moments, expressions, that I can see myself mirrored in Waylon's face.  But mainly, I see my husband.  Even the way Waylon stands, leaning on one foot and crossing his other over, is just the way Patrick stands.  

But now, with baby number 2, I can't help but wonder...

Will this one be another clone of my husband, or maybe, just maybe I'll have a little girl that looks just like me.  

Either way, I can't lose.

18 Weeks... Pregnancy #2

It is so hard to believe that I am here again.  18 weeks pregnant.  5 1/2 inches of baby, almost half a pound of another human, floating around inside me.  This go round, I am showing earlier and feeling the baby kicking already as well.

So many things are different this time, and so many things are still the same.  I still got intense morning sickness, during which I was pretty sure I was going to die (not to mention the stomach flu that sent me to the hospital with dehydration!).  I am still getting random aches and stretchy feelings while my uterus grows and changes.  But my stomach feels entirely different.  The poking out part is higher and seems to go across my entire middle.  Waylon was this super low, poochy abdomen forever.

I also have such strong feelings that this little Baby Cake is a girl.

Trying not to get our hopes up, as we would love a girl to go with our boy, but that would be awesome!

Living For Seconds

It was just a simple helium balloon.  Bright yellow, with a giant smile on its face.  We were standing in a chocolate shop, and suddenly Waylon was squealing and laughing with delight.

His eyes were fixed on the bright floating balloon ahead of us, reaching his arms out to grab it, if he could.  His laughter was infectious, and soon Patrick and I were both giggling along with him.

We bought the balloon that day.  We don't have the type of budget to buy everything we see, but $4 for our son's happiness (he still LOVES balloons) was nothing to pay.  He laughed every time we brought it close to his face, then jerked it back.

We live for seconds.  As much as we rush, rush, rush, Waylon is just growing faster and faster.  It is only these precious moments that we can cherish.  We have to slow down and enjoy each second as it ticks by us.  Just this week I have noticed how much his face has been maturing, the baby softness becoming more and more like a little boy each day.

Live for seconds.  We may still be looking for a house.  We may worry about money from time to time.  We may rush to work and think that is where we can impact our family in the best way.  None of that matters.  What matters is learning to live in and cherish each moment before it passes by.

And Then There Were Four

Back in November, Patrick and I received a giant surprise...

We found out we are expecting Baby Johnson #2!  For a couple that had been deemed infertile, God really has been blessing us!  I am currently 15 1/2 weeks along, but we were a mere 3 weeks when we found out!  The story is amazing

I'm about to talk about "lady business," so if you're uncomfortable, skim over this next part...

I got my first period after having Waylon in late August.  My cycle runs about 65 days (one of the reasons I was considered infertile) so I was expecting another one in late October.  When it didn't show up on time, I chalked it up to my hormones still leveling out.  

We had been praying so hard for some close friends of ours to get pregnant, and they told us over dinner one night, right as I was missing my period, that they were expecting in June.  Overjoyed doesn't even begin to cover how we felt!  But something was nagging at me.

A week later, I told Patrick I was taking a pregnancy test, not expecting anything, but wanting to be prepared.  My midwife is in high demand and gets booked quickly!  The first test was inconclusive, I waited forever for even the test line to show up.  I threw it away, and we left for the day.  A couple hours later, I pulled the test out of the trash (still not sure what made me do that) and two pink lines stared up at me.  

Needless to say, about five more tests were taken.  The faint lines only got darker.  A test from the health department further confirmed my suspicions.  Patrick and I were about to be parents again!

After trying so hard for Waylon, we naively assumed that the next baby would be just as hard to conceive.  What we didn't factor in was God's plans and timing!  He decided it was time for our second child.  So ready or not, here he/she comes!!

Toddling About

Well, we have a standing child!  For the past month, Waylon has been pulling himself up on anything and everything.  In the past week, he has gotten brave enough to walk while holding on to the couches, cabinets, the wall, etc.

With this new activity comes the millions of possibilities for injury.  He's bumped his head I don't know how many times, closed his fingers in cabinet doors, face planted... It's enough to make a mama go crazy.  I follow him around pretty closely, trying to catch him when he falls, but I also want him to learn and be independent.  It is a hard roll for me.  Hearing him cry in pain and fear rips me in two, but I know he has to fall a few (million) times before he will walk.  And we are on the threshold of that accomplishment right now!!

I am so proud of my son.

It's amazing to me how often I can see more of God's perspective after having Waylon.  God has to let us go to make our own decisions, let us stumble and bumble about, falling down and getting hurt, because it is the only way we will get stronger and eventually learn to walk.  Every time we fall down and fail and cry, God hurts for us.  He picks us up, holds us close, heals the pain, then sends us on our way, always one step behind us.

I hope God is proud of me.  Even when I stumble and fall and fail him, I hope he sees the progress I am making, the faith I'm building.  One day, I'll be able to walk steadily in faith and love.

God's Blessings on Me - Always Getting Closer

I have written the basics of this story down at the beginning of this blog, but for some reason it has been on my heart a lot lately.  I keep getting the feeling that I need to explain more about our journey through infertility, conceiving Waylon, and God's promises staring you in the face.

Every woman in my family has given birth to their first child at age 27.  My mom, my aunt, my grandma.  So, as I turned 26, I couldn't help but to feel that my time was soon, and Patrick and I would be parents.  We had started that goofy, smiling at each other any time someone walked by with a baby or if we saw a pregnant woman.  We'd poke each other and laugh and hug each other close, happy thoughts filling up our minds and hearts and souls.

We started trying in September of 2011.  Patrick and I have always loved God, but at this point in our life, we definitely weren't as close as we were supposed to be.  We prayed, separately, to have a baby.  And we tried.  In December of 2011, after we had returned from an anniversary trip to Philadelphia, I got my period, yet again.  I only received mine every two months, though.  The more research I did, the less I believed in God's plan, the more I worried and saw that women on that type of cycle most likely were not ovulating at all.

Being me, and wanting to control all situations, I booked a fertility appointment for both Patrick and myself.  Patrick supported me completely.  He always does.  Even though he had his doubts about our need for a doctor.

In March of 2012, after a few tests, the doctor sat us down and gave me news that still tears straight into my heart.  I was unable to carry a baby, and Patrick's sperm had low motility.  My estrogen was too low, and my testosterone was too high.  We asked if that could even itself out, and the doctor said that was highly unlikely.  He also said that if I were to get pregnant on my own, I would need to start hormone therapy immediately or the baby would die.

His suggestion was IVF.  That was it.  Our only shot.  Patrick and I had decided against this already.  In our minds, if God wanted us to have our own baby, we would.  And if He didn't, then we would adopt.  When we declined IVF, saying we were going to look into adoption, the doctor basically ruined his credibility for me.  Why would we want to adopt?  You never know what kind of mess you would receive, what sort of damaged child.  And if IVF fails, we get most of our money back.  Our mouths were on the floor, and we walked out of his office, never looking back.  Adoption is a beautiful thing, and we still plan on adopting in the future.  Somewhere out there, we have a child waiting on us.  And I can't wait until we bring him or her home.

Back to this story.  We were done.  More accurately, I was done.  I cried the entire way home from Dr. V's office.  And Patrick let me.  There was nothing for him to say.  I just needed to mourn.  I'll never forget that pain, and I hurt for any woman who is given similar news that she will never feel her baby flip inside her.  It is honestly devastating.  I cried for the babies I couldn't give my husband.  I cried over not seeing their little smiles.  And I cried because I would not follow in the footsteps of my mom, aunt, and grandmother.  A petty thing, but I would not be 27 at the birth of my first child.

It took about a week for me to pull myself back together.  Patrick and I decided we would start raising money and look into adopting in mid-2013.  I put my heart and soul into that idea, my prayers to God changed.  I still asked if He would someday give us a baby of our own, but I thanked Him for allowing adoption to be an option.  I would still be a mother.

At the beginning of April, I started seeing a homeopathic hormone specialist.  Basically, she gave me vitamins and herbs to balance out my hormones, and I would see her once a month.  The day before my second appointment, she gave me a call.  I had to take a pregnancy test because she planned on doing a certain type of therapy the next day.  And it wasn't approved for pregnant women.  I almost laughed at her, but I told her I would take the test and bring in my negative result.

I waited until the morning of May 2nd.  I wanted as long a gap as possible before peeing on that stick and letting my heart fall once again.  From September of 2011 until March of 2012, I bought and used around 20 of those tests.

But this time... a plus sign!  Time literally stopped.  And I started praying.  In earnest.  I wanted this baby.  Baby... I was pregnant!  My mind went round and round, hardly even making sense.  I was thanking God for this opportunity, and begging Him not to take it away at the same time.

I carried Waylon to term, in an unbelievable healthy pregnancy.  I never needed hormone therapy from Dr. V to keep him alive inside me.  I stopped taking the vitamins from my homeopathic specialist on May 2nd as well.  God kept Waylon alive inside of me.  In a labor that lasted less than 9 hours, Waylon came into this world.

THE DAY BEFORE MY 28TH BIRTHDAY.

Just let that sink in for a moment.  Even right now, I'm crying over the beauty of God's plans.  When Waylon was born, I was still 27.  He was born the 9th.  My birthday is the 10th.  Something so unbelievably petty, God used that to show me that He is always listening to our prayers.

I welcome any questions about our conception, the pregnancy, his birth... our faith... anything and everything.  There is a reason He wanted me to write this down, even if it's just for my own benefit.

It is amazing to me how closer we have gotten to God after Waylon's birth, and in getting closer to Him, how much closer Patrick and I have become.  And there is only room to get closer.

Have you ever heard of Zeno's Paradox?  Zeno stated that you can never reach a destination, because to get there you have to cross half the distance. And once you are there, there is another half distance to cross... and so on for eternity.  It's like that with God.  Even if you think you are the closest you can get, there is still room to get closer.

Always getting closer.