And Then There Were Four

Back in November, Patrick and I received a giant surprise...

We found out we are expecting Baby Johnson #2!  For a couple that had been deemed infertile, God really has been blessing us!  I am currently 15 1/2 weeks along, but we were a mere 3 weeks when we found out!  The story is amazing

I'm about to talk about "lady business," so if you're uncomfortable, skim over this next part...

I got my first period after having Waylon in late August.  My cycle runs about 65 days (one of the reasons I was considered infertile) so I was expecting another one in late October.  When it didn't show up on time, I chalked it up to my hormones still leveling out.  

We had been praying so hard for some close friends of ours to get pregnant, and they told us over dinner one night, right as I was missing my period, that they were expecting in June.  Overjoyed doesn't even begin to cover how we felt!  But something was nagging at me.

A week later, I told Patrick I was taking a pregnancy test, not expecting anything, but wanting to be prepared.  My midwife is in high demand and gets booked quickly!  The first test was inconclusive, I waited forever for even the test line to show up.  I threw it away, and we left for the day.  A couple hours later, I pulled the test out of the trash (still not sure what made me do that) and two pink lines stared up at me.  

Needless to say, about five more tests were taken.  The faint lines only got darker.  A test from the health department further confirmed my suspicions.  Patrick and I were about to be parents again!

After trying so hard for Waylon, we naively assumed that the next baby would be just as hard to conceive.  What we didn't factor in was God's plans and timing!  He decided it was time for our second child.  So ready or not, here he/she comes!!

Toddling About

Well, we have a standing child!  For the past month, Waylon has been pulling himself up on anything and everything.  In the past week, he has gotten brave enough to walk while holding on to the couches, cabinets, the wall, etc.

With this new activity comes the millions of possibilities for injury.  He's bumped his head I don't know how many times, closed his fingers in cabinet doors, face planted... It's enough to make a mama go crazy.  I follow him around pretty closely, trying to catch him when he falls, but I also want him to learn and be independent.  It is a hard roll for me.  Hearing him cry in pain and fear rips me in two, but I know he has to fall a few (million) times before he will walk.  And we are on the threshold of that accomplishment right now!!

I am so proud of my son.

It's amazing to me how often I can see more of God's perspective after having Waylon.  God has to let us go to make our own decisions, let us stumble and bumble about, falling down and getting hurt, because it is the only way we will get stronger and eventually learn to walk.  Every time we fall down and fail and cry, God hurts for us.  He picks us up, holds us close, heals the pain, then sends us on our way, always one step behind us.

I hope God is proud of me.  Even when I stumble and fall and fail him, I hope he sees the progress I am making, the faith I'm building.  One day, I'll be able to walk steadily in faith and love.

God's Blessings on Me - Always Getting Closer

I have written the basics of this story down at the beginning of this blog, but for some reason it has been on my heart a lot lately.  I keep getting the feeling that I need to explain more about our journey through infertility, conceiving Waylon, and God's promises staring you in the face.

Every woman in my family has given birth to their first child at age 27.  My mom, my aunt, my grandma.  So, as I turned 26, I couldn't help but to feel that my time was soon, and Patrick and I would be parents.  We had started that goofy, smiling at each other any time someone walked by with a baby or if we saw a pregnant woman.  We'd poke each other and laugh and hug each other close, happy thoughts filling up our minds and hearts and souls.

We started trying in September of 2011.  Patrick and I have always loved God, but at this point in our life, we definitely weren't as close as we were supposed to be.  We prayed, separately, to have a baby.  And we tried.  In December of 2011, after we had returned from an anniversary trip to Philadelphia, I got my period, yet again.  I only received mine every two months, though.  The more research I did, the less I believed in God's plan, the more I worried and saw that women on that type of cycle most likely were not ovulating at all.

Being me, and wanting to control all situations, I booked a fertility appointment for both Patrick and myself.  Patrick supported me completely.  He always does.  Even though he had his doubts about our need for a doctor.

In March of 2012, after a few tests, the doctor sat us down and gave me news that still tears straight into my heart.  I was unable to carry a baby, and Patrick's sperm had low motility.  My estrogen was too low, and my testosterone was too high.  We asked if that could even itself out, and the doctor said that was highly unlikely.  He also said that if I were to get pregnant on my own, I would need to start hormone therapy immediately or the baby would die.

His suggestion was IVF.  That was it.  Our only shot.  Patrick and I had decided against this already.  In our minds, if God wanted us to have our own baby, we would.  And if He didn't, then we would adopt.  When we declined IVF, saying we were going to look into adoption, the doctor basically ruined his credibility for me.  Why would we want to adopt?  You never know what kind of mess you would receive, what sort of damaged child.  And if IVF fails, we get most of our money back.  Our mouths were on the floor, and we walked out of his office, never looking back.  Adoption is a beautiful thing, and we still plan on adopting in the future.  Somewhere out there, we have a child waiting on us.  And I can't wait until we bring him or her home.

Back to this story.  We were done.  More accurately, I was done.  I cried the entire way home from Dr. V's office.  And Patrick let me.  There was nothing for him to say.  I just needed to mourn.  I'll never forget that pain, and I hurt for any woman who is given similar news that she will never feel her baby flip inside her.  It is honestly devastating.  I cried for the babies I couldn't give my husband.  I cried over not seeing their little smiles.  And I cried because I would not follow in the footsteps of my mom, aunt, and grandmother.  A petty thing, but I would not be 27 at the birth of my first child.

It took about a week for me to pull myself back together.  Patrick and I decided we would start raising money and look into adopting in mid-2013.  I put my heart and soul into that idea, my prayers to God changed.  I still asked if He would someday give us a baby of our own, but I thanked Him for allowing adoption to be an option.  I would still be a mother.

At the beginning of April, I started seeing a homeopathic hormone specialist.  Basically, she gave me vitamins and herbs to balance out my hormones, and I would see her once a month.  The day before my second appointment, she gave me a call.  I had to take a pregnancy test because she planned on doing a certain type of therapy the next day.  And it wasn't approved for pregnant women.  I almost laughed at her, but I told her I would take the test and bring in my negative result.

I waited until the morning of May 2nd.  I wanted as long a gap as possible before peeing on that stick and letting my heart fall once again.  From September of 2011 until March of 2012, I bought and used around 20 of those tests.

But this time... a plus sign!  Time literally stopped.  And I started praying.  In earnest.  I wanted this baby.  Baby... I was pregnant!  My mind went round and round, hardly even making sense.  I was thanking God for this opportunity, and begging Him not to take it away at the same time.

I carried Waylon to term, in an unbelievable healthy pregnancy.  I never needed hormone therapy from Dr. V to keep him alive inside me.  I stopped taking the vitamins from my homeopathic specialist on May 2nd as well.  God kept Waylon alive inside of me.  In a labor that lasted less than 9 hours, Waylon came into this world.

THE DAY BEFORE MY 28TH BIRTHDAY.

Just let that sink in for a moment.  Even right now, I'm crying over the beauty of God's plans.  When Waylon was born, I was still 27.  He was born the 9th.  My birthday is the 10th.  Something so unbelievably petty, God used that to show me that He is always listening to our prayers.

I welcome any questions about our conception, the pregnancy, his birth... our faith... anything and everything.  There is a reason He wanted me to write this down, even if it's just for my own benefit.

It is amazing to me how closer we have gotten to God after Waylon's birth, and in getting closer to Him, how much closer Patrick and I have become.  And there is only room to get closer.

Have you ever heard of Zeno's Paradox?  Zeno stated that you can never reach a destination, because to get there you have to cross half the distance. And once you are there, there is another half distance to cross... and so on for eternity.  It's like that with God.  Even if you think you are the closest you can get, there is still room to get closer.

Always getting closer.

Getting Cramped

For three months now, we have been living in the finished attic of Patrick's parents.  Patrick, me, Waylon, three dogs, and two cats in two rooms and a bathroom.  Needless to say, we are becoming a bit cramped...

There is no way to completely thank Tony and Sue for letting us move in while we are between homes.  Our LaVergne house sold within a week of being listed, which was such a blessing, but we had not found our permanent home yet.

The congregation at our church in Cripple Creek have been laboriously looking for our next home along with us, and one day that mentioned a house going up for auction in October.  We drove by it that day, and it was almost as if God spoke to us, "Here it is.  This will be your home."

A little white house on 5 acres in the country.  Close to Patrick's work and close to our friends... it is completely perfect.  The fact that it is an auction makes us nervous, but somehow, God will provide for us.

We ask that you, whether we know you or not, please help us pray for this property.  We are so ready to have our own home again, and the auction is less than two weeks away now.  Please pray this house comes into our possession, and at a price we can afford.

Live Intentionally

Living intentionally.  That has honestly become the new mantra of our household.  Every day is a gift from God, our Savior.  Why waste it?  It is also one of the resolves of New Frontiers, the Christian Adventure Camp my husband and I work at.  And since Waylon is attached at my hip... you could say he works there too.  Almost a mascot of cuteness for the counselors.

Live Intentionally.  Think Metaphorically.  Seek eTruth.

That last one always gets me.  Emergent truth.  Truth that emerges from the metaphors we encounter.  It's the truth we glean from a message or experience that can seem unrelated at the time, but makes us realize a deeper meaning for which we have been searching.  

Just recently, the three of us took a trip to Chattanooga, Tennessee.  We wanted Waylon to go to the zoo and the incline... and we wanted to try the new Taco Bell Breakfast menu...  We're pretty dedicated the way. (In case you're wondering - It was awesome!!)

While we were packing back into the car from Taco Bell, a man with his two sons came walking out behind us.  A New Frontiers bumper sticker is on our car.  All it says is "Live Intentionally."

"I like your bumper sticker.  That is a good life motto."

"Oh have you heard of New Frontiers in Dowelltown, Tennessee?"  And we shared with him our purpose.  Little things like that make me see God's hands.  I believe we were put there that day to show this man a summer camp for his boys.  A camp that will strengthen not only those boys' self esteem, but their eagerness to find truth and understanding for themselves in this world.  A camp that will encourage them to see and accept God's love around them.

NF not only has summer camps, but they also do corporate retreats and church group courses.  Ziplines, giant swings, high ropes, flying squirrels, pamper poles... so much to do!

My favorite part of the camp isn't actually the camp at all.  And it's the sector I have chosen to devote my time to.  It is called ARISE, a children's home and academy.  The camp has two boys home on campus, where up to 16 boys in the system can have a home.  I have felt the need to become a foster parent at some point in the future, and working for these boys, even in small ways like buying groceries, gives me a blessing.

Especially when you drive up with a full car of bags and one boy yells to the others, "It's the angel that brings us food!"

Live Intentionally.  I don't know why we ever lived any other way.

Dad's in the Game!

Although I am a new Dad, I have always been impressed by dads who spend time and give attention to their children.

More and more, you are seeing dads that are making an effort to spend time with their kids and I think it is awesome. My dad spent a ton of time with me when we had time together, and I knew that I would do everything in my power to be the same way. My wife's father was the same way and it helps me. When I shy away from spending time because of life junk getting in the way, she is not afraid to get in my face and tell me so.

It takes effort on the dads part. It can be a lot of effort, setting aside things that need to be done, mowing the yard, leftover work stuff, car maintenance, etc. But it's definitely worth it. The looks, laughs and love that you get are priceless. Life is too short to let those things get in your way of spending time with your family. Go get in the game Dad.

Check out some of the hashtags on instagram and facebook #dadisinthegame #dadsinthegame

5 Months, First Teeth and Summer Sun

Waylon turned 5 months old 4 days ago. It only feels like it has been a few weeks since he was born. He cut his first tooth a few days ago, and that has been a struggle for mom and me both.

Baby Einstein videos have been a life saver the past month. They soothe him as much as his momma does.

Momma is still nursing. We are excited to begin some food next month. We decided to wait until he is 6 months old before we start any foods. We are going to begin with rice cereal first and then move onto some root veggies.

We invested in an exersaucer. Initially he wasn't much of a fan since he couldn't reach the floor and couldn't reach most of the toys. Now it is one of his favorite places in the house. He also has become a fan of the high chair while mom and I cook in the kitchen.

The struggle comes with the mental life change. I was speaking with a friend that recently also had his first child. The time in the day gets shorter and the priority shift is absolutely crazy. Most days I don't even have any interest in doing anything but getting home to my wife and son and spend some quality time with them. Then the weekends I we are free our time is spent mainly on catching up on chores.

Soon we will be moving to a temporary residence. We are praying that we can sell our house quickly and easily and that we find a new house and it will be affordable and available when we need it to be.